I haven't posted in several weeks. Since before Memorial Day. That's because on Memorial Day weekend, my husband and I found out we were pregnant. I figured if I posted anything, I would accidentally spill the beans. Better safe than sorry....
And today, I am 17 weeks, 3 days into my gestational adventure. And an adventure, it has been. When I created this blog, I wrote that life typically does not follow my plans. I just have to "live it out." And this pregnancy has been no different.....nothing has gone according to plan. The first 12 weeks of pregnancy were glorious. No morning sickness or hormonal outrages, and minimal fatigue. Then week 13 came along. Morning sickness? Not exactly. I was sick all day, every day. I lost 10 pounds in my fourth month of pregnancy. I assumed this wasn't normal, so I called my OB, who scheduled a 15 week ultrasound, just to check things out.
During the ultrasound, the doctor found several problems with the baby my husband I affectionately refer to as "Penny." (No, that will not be the legal name.) The most frightening of these problems was the severe dilation of the third brain ventricle. Along with all the other problems presented, the doctor still isn't sure Penny's diagnosis (yet to be given) will be compatible with life.
I am still confused and scared and sad. We can only wait and wonder. I had been waiting and wondering for two weeks when another unplanned even came along. I awoke from a nap bleeding severely. I was convinced I was having a mid-term miscarriage, so my husband drove me to the ER. Much to my amazement, the nurse found a fetal heartbeat right away. An ultrasound also confirmed the baby was active and well. Through all this, Penny has been a tiny little fighter! I'm currently on light bed rest, awaiting an appointment with my OB next week. I am still waiting, and wondering, and existing.
I friend and mentor of mine recently gave me an word of encouragement. She reminded me of the Bible verse in Psalm 139 that explains how we are knit together in our mother's womb. Now, I'm not much of a knitter. I've never actually knitted anything in my entire life. But my friend explained that in knitting, mistakes are often made. And that if a mistake is made, all you have to do is unravel the mistake, and start over. She (and I) are praying that this baby is being slightly unraveled, and that a few imperfections are being made perfect again by the Great Craftsman. And, until then, I can't wait to see what he is knitting. No matter what it appears to be, I must remember that it will be a perfect fit for me.
